In precisely two weeks I'll be riding the ferry across the grey north sea. I'll be heading for Amsterdam and then further afield, although where to I'm not yet sure. The passage to Amsterdam has been arranged for some time but my decision to stay away from England is still relatively recent. I hadn't really thought of going away alone, and in fact had felt against the idea up to now. However, I now feel such desparation to shift my life onto a more enjoyable course that I'm not willing to wait for a suitable travel partner. I do hope, however, that any of you - friends of mine - who wish to join me at any point and anywhere will act on impulse and do so.
It's been very helpful for me to consider the questions asked by friends and acquaintances here in Norwich. Questions such as 'why are you going?', 'where are you going?', and 'what do you hope to get from traveling?' There are no simple answers to these questions. My mind is currently a turmoil of competing considerations and statements. My motivation to leave springs from the conviction that my mind has become dull in this environment. I seldom have new or exciting ideas, and whilst I'm not blaming this on the will of the people around me, I do wonder to what extent new acquaintances will reinvigorate my imagination. I am also aware that I've followed the same patterns of behaviour for several years. Some of these patterns are negative and self-destructive, and almost all are thoroughly boring. That's really it: I am deeply bored with myself.
Accordingly, I've got some ideas about the approach I'm going to take to traveling. I think that having a creative approach is more important than having firm ideas about places and activities to experience along the way, although these decisions will also have to be made. Primarily, I hope to learn a lot about what other people think and how other people live. To do this I'm going to have to be extremely open to meeting strangers, and be quite deliberate in my actions and philosophy. At the end of every day I'm going to ask myself what I've learnt. This blog is, amongst other things, a way to test these thoughts on you too. It also strikes me that there are plenty of people who are taking an exploratory approach to living. These may be people who are living in a self-sifficient farm community, or who organise cultural events, political debates, or discos. The thought of being involved in these things is vastly more exciting than the thought of a menial job in Norwich, so I figure I must head towards these lights and try some other stuff. If you have recommendations for things that I may wish to get involved in, please send them my way.
On a more simplistic note, I have plenty of other reasons for wanting to leave England. Sunshine makes me happy. There's not enough of it here. I want to live where the sun shines. Music makes me happy too, and thus I want to live where music can naturally become a more consistent presence in my days and nights. Norwich isn't exactly flush with places to let loose and dance til morning. This is a crying shame. Furthermore, some foreign girls are really hot, and I bet that a few of them will love the smooth tones of my increasingly east anglian accent. Billy Bragg sings, "I don't want to change the world, I'm not looking for a new England, I'm just looking for another girl." I'm in the que behind Billy.
That's enough for post number one. I don't intend to be quite this formal in the rest of my blogs, but these words largely reflect my current state of mind. I'll write again soon. Please email me some of your own words if you want to.
Alex
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Now now my dear friend - while it is completely ok that you ask for e.mails in the closing sentences of your first blog post, now that you have entered the world of blogging I believe we ought to fully embrace it and exchange views related to the above via the standard blogging route: comments which are for all the public to see. (Don't worry, more intimate thoughts will still be for your eyes only (to all other readers nb. all latent homoerotic intimation in the previous sentence was purely accidental)).
ReplyDeleteFirst of all - welcome to Amsterdam! It seems that the sun has learnt of your upcoming travels and is presently in top form trying to transform the grey city into a green oasis. I'm looking forward to your and Eddy's impeding arrival (and can't wait to meet ze tvo Germans).
Secondly - Congratulations again for your decision! Recently I've been spending quite a bit of time thinking of what defines subjectivity and people as subjects, and I more and more inclined to think that it is acts rather than what we commonly claim to be 'self-consciousness'. This act of yours speaks volumes about you and brings to the fore many of the most reverential aspects of your personality.
Thirdly - lets please stop using the phrase 'going travelling'. I have a nasty suspicion that just by referring to what you are going to do by using that phrase will in that very instant already prescribe and thereby limit a great number of the possibilities that will arise from this choice of yours to pick up your things and depart. Also 'going travelling' implies that you are doing this temporarily and are definitely returning back to where it is you left from. Again don't limit yourself. Who knows what and when anything will come across your way? Maybe you'll end up living well and having some sweet loving in a place neither one of us know of or have thought about up until then.
Fourthly - I think there is tremendous value in your adherence to creativity in your thinking and intentions. For me creativity is a term which I can only approach broadly and which again is linked closely to action. Because as is clear there is the type of action, which passes by everyday and which we don't even register, while we are doing it. This is a meager attempt from my part to describe what I perceive as the mundane, the current norm, the ordinary. But then there are acts, which effect change in such a manner that our whole understanding of what happened before is altered by it. It is this kind of radical change, which shifts our way of seeing and understanding things, that I associate with creativity, and I can only hope that your fidelity to this type of action will hold.
Finally - sorry for the structure. But seriously - I'm really looking forward to your next post, to seeing you soon, and to wishing you all the best.
For now, that is all.
With love from Amsterdam,
Paavo
Paddy - Thanks for your comments. I see that we have a good load of excellent conversation ahead of us!
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the use of 'travelling', and I largely agree with what you say. To begin with, I had gently reprimanded people for applying this term to what I'm planning to do. As I've already said, I'm not going on an extended yet finite holiday. However, I've come around to using the term because I see that it doesn't really matter how accurately other people conceive of my ideas. It's also a bit arrogant and self-indulgent to correct someone else's usage when that person has chosen language in good faith. I know you won't take that too personally - you're critiicsm isn't personally pointed, and you're not being arrogant to mention it - but everyone I know here has reacted so positively to my plans that I only want to be positive in return.
Actions, or acts. These are very broad terms that you and I will have to discuss before we can talk more. I think that it's very difficult to categorise actions according to value. I also think that this blog-comment-reply-space isn't the place to get into an earnest academic discussion. We can do that face-to-face next week!
Cheers Bear.